Thursday, February 2, 2012

Worrying won't solve anything, so why am I doing it?

Finding out that I have was it called "uterus didelphys" never bothered me. I found out at my first prenatal appointment, and to me it showed that I was an original. The doctor was very positive about it, and made it seem as though it posed no risk on my pregnancy or delivery. He did say I will have to be monitored closely as I get further along to watch the growth of the baby and make sure she has enough room. It is nothing that should affect my pregnancy, but can result in possible pre-term labor and baby in the breech position, which I have take as a necessary c-section in that case. Like I said it never bothered me before. I haven't worried or had any fear of the situation..I didn't even google it. That in itself says a lot because I have a habit of googling symptoms and diagnosing myself with the worst because of people who aren't even doctors or in the medical field, but people like me who are ignorant and really don't know what they're talking about but enjoy scaring the tar out of people looking for answers.

Well now I'm almost 24 weeks..

..and I'm scared. It hit me like a flood, out of nowhere. I'm not scared about a c-section because I'm willing to do whatever for my little girl, and will gladly wear a scar on my stomach if that brings her to me safely. I'm more scared about the pre-term part. I've heard of girls having to go on bed rest at 30 weeks because of their uterus getting exciting and starting the labor process. Now that I'll be 24 weeks tomorrow, it feels more real and close. I know I'm worrying about what isn't even here yet, and I wish I could stop because it's not helping anything. I'm really trying to rely on the truth that God is in control and He has this baby and myself in His hands. This is not in my hands, so I just need to surrender it all.

I look at this opportunity as such a huge blessing because the majority of women with this are infertile, have multiple miscarriages, etc. It did take us about 5-6 months to get pregnant but that isn't considered a long time when trying to conceive in comparison to others dealing with infertility issues. And I have had no complications with this pregnancy, and I thank God every day for my miracle and success this far. I'm just believing that I will be a testimony of God's goodness and grace and will make it through this pregnancy and delivery with the end result of a healthy full-term baby despite what others say. I like the idea of breaking the odds. Our world is surrounded by so much negativity, and it would be nice to be able to be a light in the middle of the dark of this situation.

GOD, I trust You and I cast every worry and fear at Your feet.

"He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection." Psalm 91:2-4

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